Here’s a picture of me, taken a few days ago:
Here’s a picture of me taken about a year and a half ago:
The first picture is the heaviest I’ve ever been. 280 pounds. The second picture is the thinnest I’ve been in recent history, probably about 240. I was still overweight, but not nearly as bad as I am now.
Why am I telling you this? Because today is the beginning of a new era for me. One in which I am not fat. One where I do not get exhausted after half an hour of moderate activity. One where my back doesn’t hurt all the time. One where my clothes fit. One where I am not cruising headlong for Type 2 Diabetes and early death. I am telling you this because I am going to use fear of public humiliation as my primary weight-loss tool.
The Hundred Pound Countdown
As previously stated, I weigh almost 300 pounds. I really should weigh more like 200 pounds. That’s a difference of (wait for it) like 100 pounds. Just for the sake of argument, let’s call my goal weight 200 pounds, meaning I’ve got to lose like 80. Okay, so not quite 100, but “eighty pound countdown” doesn’t have the same ring to it. So, inspired by this guy, here’s my plan:
- I will get down to 200 lbs and stay there.
- I will weigh myself every Monday and post it on Twitter. (#100lbcountdown)
- I will take a picture of myself every Monday and post it on Twitter. (#100lbcountdown)
- I will only snack on fruits and vegetables.
- I will eat three meals a day, and they will be awesome and delicious.
- I will not eat after dinner.
- I will not eat crap in the form of processed food or fast food.
- I will walk outside for no less than 30 minutes every day.
- I will take a fiber supplement (because, well, you know.)
- If I break a rule, I will post the infraction on Twitter. (#100lbcountdown)
Do Me a Favor
Don’t “encourage” me. F@%k encouragement. What I need right now is derision. Tell me what a fat, unhealthy slob I am. Mock me mercilessly when I cock this up (as I inevitably will). This isn’t something fun I’m doing just for the hell of it. I’m fat and sad and I don’t want to live with it or die from it. Here’s hoping my ego is bigger than my paunch.
On June 1st, 2010 at 2:14 pm Jessica Champion Bautista said:
If this works for u I’m gonna have to try it!!! U’ve got balls!
On June 1st, 2010 at 2:16 pm Jeff said:
Good luck, fat ass.
On June 1st, 2010 at 2:56 pm onstad said:
YOU GON’ DIE SON
On June 1st, 2010 at 3:50 pm Kristin Burns said:
(Bad) luck. Hope you (fail) and all of twitter applauds your (failure). It’s wicked (easy) to lose weight, after all.
() = opposite day.
On June 10th, 2010 at 6:48 pm Daniel said:
You nasty fat slob of a man. Your useless fat does america no good. I bet you cannot even see your person in the shower.
Daniel
On June 12th, 2010 at 9:28 am thomas said:
no response to my facebook comment? i thought that was great ‘i was under ten pounds when i was born, so i’ve gained alot of weight’ that is some of my best material….
On June 22nd, 2010 at 1:56 pm Kate said:
There are few things bigger than your paunch. Here’s to your ego winning out, Fatty McFattington.
Love,
Your Sister