Despite my best attempts to take part in the current generation of video game consoles, I have been utterly unable to procure my platform of choice, that being the Nintendo Wii. I have been trying to get one for months to no avail. I know they exist. In fact, I know they exist within a five mile radius. It would seem, however, that most stores keep their Wiis in some kind of quantum state, managing inventory via the Heisenberg Uncertainty principle. That is to say that merely observing the Wii inventory can cause it to change. Take this conversation I had with the fine young man in the video games department at Best Buy recently:
Me: Do you have any Wiis?
Dude: Ha! No.
Me: So do you know when you’ll be getting some in?
Dude: Sometimes, we get a few on Tuesdays.
Me: What is this, Rain Man?
Dude: What?
Me: Nevermind. So you get them on certain Tuesdays. Could I say…call on Tuesday and see if you have any?
Dude: Ha! No.
Me: So basically the only way I could even find out if you have the thing is to drive here every Tuesday morning and wait for the store to open.
Dude: Yeah. You know, there’s actually a group of guys who meet at the Starbucks next door every Tuesday and wait for the store to open.
Me: Wow, that’s profoundly sad. Has any of them been able to purchase a Wii?
Dude: Ha! No.
Me: Do you have any Xbox 360s?
And lo, I did purchase an Xbox 360. Granted, the 360 was not a complete impulse buy, considering my aging PC video card turned BioShock into an experience I like to call Slides From My Trip To Rapture. Having recently purchased one of those fancy flat-screen HDTVs, I also grabbed a ragga-fragga-fifty-dollar HDMI cable. There was also the obligatory Halo 3, an “extra” controller (It comes with one. It’s like they know you’re lonely.) and something I think they called “Xbox Live Triple Platinum Carmel Macchiato”. I winced as I signed the credit card slip, but damn it, I was finally relevant again.
I brought it home and set it up. Before long, my brother and I were playing something called “Slayer” in Halo 3. (Where I come from, they call that “deathmatch”. You know, because people die. In the game. Nevermind.) It was around this time, sadly, that I learned the mouse and keyboard skills I had been honing since Quake 2 did not translate to a pair of thumb sticks. “Slayer” turned out to be a pretty apt name for the game mode, but I think “Firing Squad” might have been more accurate. Jeff is a seasoned veteran of Halo 2 on the original Xbox, and that does translate, right down to the finer points. After an hour or so of having my ass handed to me with everything from rocket launchers to something resembling a salad shooter, Jeff said something to the effect of “Look, keep practicing. It’s not like I can get any better.”
I did improve after a while. You see, Halo 3 has this other mode called “campaign”, the sole purpose of which seems to be training you for multi-player mode. At least I’m guessing that’s why they put that in, because you play it by yourself and I couldn’t detect any hint of a storyline behind it.
For a time, all this was good. The Xbox had done something very positive: It got me out from in front of my computer… and on to the couch. Something was missing from my overall video gaming experience, though: other people. Aside from the occasional aforementioned rounds of “Jeff Using Various Implements to Harm Jaybill”, there really wasn’t a lot in the way of games everyone in the house could pick up and play. Something had to be done.
I went to my local game store and purchased a used Gamecube, four wireless controllers and Mario Kart. I brought it home, hooked it up and before long, we were all screaming obscenities at the television just like we used to. Just like the old days, before I sold the Gamecube and all the games to purchase a Nintendo DS during leaner financial times.
So while I have yet to achieve the coveted Wii60, at least everyone in the house can enjoy video games until winter is over and we can go outside again.
Oh, if you’re interested, my “gamertag” (whatever the crap that means) on Xbox Live is Amma Hurchu. I welcome anyone who wants to see the kind of damage I can inflict with that salad shooter thingy.
On January 22nd, 2008 at 10:36 am Jeff said:
y’know…even with kill spreads like 20-6 or 20-4…you keep coming back. that’s the mark of a true uh…um…guy who likes to get virtually slaughtered (?)
On January 22nd, 2008 at 11:22 am Jaybill McCarthy said:
I virtually hate you.
On January 24th, 2008 at 2:50 pm Jaybill.com » Blog Archive » Photography Experiments said:
[...] when it comes to photography. I used it to snap a picture of a container of milk for an earlier blog post and noticed that I accidentally took a really nice [...]